Igbo men should stop this mindset - Chukwuneta Oby
It’s typical for the average Igbo man to think his life is incomplete without a male child.
Read this man’s message to me on the matter:
“A friend of mine is in a mess. His problems started when his wife left him. They had been having issues because, according to him, the woman was cantankerous, and he often dreaded their bedroom because she had a habit of stripping herself naked to lay curses on him and those she claimed were enabling him to break their home.
“She would do this while walking around with flaming-coloured candles in hand. It got so bad that he rented a small apartment where he often stayed to relax. In no time, he found himself a companion in a young lady he had assisted in the past.
“Meanwhile, his wife had to travel to her hometown with their son (who has special needs). Some days later, he was told that the boy (aged 15) accidentally drowned in a swimming pool.
“His wife came back, accused his lover of being behind their son’s death, packed her belongings, and left their matrimonial home. The boy was their only son; the others are girls.
“The lady now occupying his rented apartment had been pregnant for him a few times but had miscarriages. One day, the same lady returned from a prayer outing and told him it was revealed to her that due to the curse his wife placed on him, he would never be able to get any woman pregnant again.
“He said he was so disturbed (because he truly wanted a son) that he took a break from the lady for a while. Around that time, he met another woman (a one-night stand) but found himself really drawn to her, and in no time, he rented an apartment for her.
“The long and short of it is that this new lady became pregnant around the same time he realised his other lover was also pregnant. Both women have since given birth. The second lady had a baby girl, but the one living with him had a boy. He is planning to marry her, but he doesn’t have the support of his family.
“According to them, the person his wife accused of killing their brother’s son shouldn’t become part of their family. He actually likes the second lady more but is grappling with guilt concerning the other lady.
“He claimed she has gone through a lot trying to give him a son. Otherwise, he has a lot of complaints about her. For example, he said she nags as much as his first wife.
“And their space has become a home to her lazy siblings and their mother. Almost all of them live in that house now, and all they do is eat and watch television daily, as none of them work.
“He also said this lady does not work, yet she has very expensive tastes. According to him, none of the hair she buys is less than N350,000. She also defrauds him by inflating household expenses.
“He said it’s actually in the space of the other lady that he finds a semblance of peace, coupled with the fact that she is very clean and a good cook. What’s your advice to him? He is an Igbo man.”
From Oby
If male children were destined to play more important roles in your life, life would have given them to you. But if all you have are daughters, know they are the ones you will need in your life.
God knows what He is doing, and what He is doing is something that only time will reveal. It took my parents’ old age for me to understand this Igbo adage, “nwanyi bu nwa” (a daughter is worth it).
At a certain point in a parent’s life, it won’t matter which child is male or female. What will matter is which child cares.
So, the child life has given you is exactly who you will need in your life.
If this man conducts a DNA test on those newborns, he may be shocked that one or even both do not belong to him because he is dealing with desperate women who see him as a meal ticket and would do anything to latch onto him for economic survival.
I hope he has done a complete check on his health status!
His desperation for a male child probably contributed to his wife’s emotional imbalance.
Frankly, a male child is not enough reason to bring a cantankerous or inconsiderate woman under his roof.
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