Why people do strange, incredible things for love – Psychologist
Last week, the report of a married woman identified as Aisha Bukar Gambo, who was stabbed by her husband’s ‘side chic’, identified as Falamata Mai Mele, for confronting her after she caught her pants down with her husband, made headlines.
The incident, which happened in Gobio Local Government Area of Borno State, saw Falamata stabbing Aisha on the side of her right breast with a screwdriver, injuring her badly and leading to profuse bleeding.
Aisha, Gambo’s wife, confronted Falamata, who was dating her husband, because she felt her husband was slipping off her hands into the warm embrace of another woman. Her decision to confront her husband’s side chic almost ended her life.
Also, last week, in far away South Africa, a 36-year-old man identified as Joshua Mathebula took his own life after he brutally stabbed his 26-year-old girlfriend to death.
According to reports, Mathebula, allegedly intoxicated, discovered that his girlfriend was in a relationship with a senior teacher, her former lover.
Fueled by jealousy, he brutally stabbed her to death, and left her body at the teacher’s rented residence with a chilling note that read: “The same way you used to enjoy her when I’m at work, enjoy her now, she’s all yours.”
After the gruesome murder, Mathebula reportedly drove to nearby woods to make a live final Facebook farewell. In it, he claimed that his partner had rekindled an illicit romance with her ex-senior form master from the Mogolo Secondary School in Limpopo Province.
According to reports, Mathebula attacked his partner and killed her by stabbing her repeatedly in the neck and chest before dumping her body on the schoolmaster’s doorstep. He is then said to have posted disturbing pictures of his crime on social media, as well as past photos of him with the deceased girlfriend.
Mathebula then started the Facebook livestream, in which he confessed in detail to what he had just acted upon and spoke of his motives for the heinous crime, before announcing his intention to end his own life.
After almost four minutes of the livestream, he got out of his car before taking his own life within sight of his murdered partner’s blood-soaked body.
He said on the stream: “This guy, Mr Sehlapelo, was after my girlfriend. He dates schoolgirls. He’s the reason she dropped out of high school. He used to date my girlfriend when she was there.
“My girlfriend, who was 26, died when she got back together with him. She cheated on me with him. She tried to build a home with me but was cheating on me while I was at work.
“This guy used to greet me, waving at me, knowing he’s cheating with my girlfriend. I found out about them when I was drunk. She used to get money from this teacher.
“We broke up and got back. She begged me to take her back. I stabbed her with a knife several times and told her to rest in peace. I left her at Meneer Sehlapelo’s door.
“I told him he could have her. I was drunk when I found out, but I didn’t kill her because I was drunk. I was angry. Now, I’m going to kill myself the same way I killed her.
“She didn’t deserve what I did to her. Right now, I’m live on Facebook. I’m leaving the video live so people can learn. You must give people the story you’ve heard.”
Again, in February this year, a 20-year old Aisha Aliyu was reported to have stabbed and killed her husband, Idris Ahmadu, after a few months of tying the nuptial knots.
The incident, which happened on February 12, 2024, in Nasarawa village in Lapai Local Government Area of Niger State, rattled members of the community as the couple just got married on December 31, 2023; less than two months into their union.
According to reports, they had a minor disagreement earlier in the evening preceding the night of the incident but that was resolved even before they retired to bed that fateful day.
However, in the dead of the night, the mother of the deceased was awoken by her son’s scream and when she rushed to their house alongside other residents, she saw her son, Ahmadu, lying in the pool of blood, struggling between life and death.
He eventually gave up before medical help could arrive at the scene.
Aisha was alleged to have stabbed her newly wedded husband on the chest before slaughtering him.
The motive behind the gruesome act was not clear, but further inquiries revealed a complex history between the couple.
It was disclosed that Aisha had expressed reservations about the marriage, indicating a change of heart and even considering another suitor, but efforts were made to reconcile their differences, and the wedding proceeded as planned. Unfortunately, Aisha had a different plan; which was to eliminate her husband and possibly, get married to the one she loves.
Confirming the incident, the spokesperson of the Niger State Police Command, DSP Wasiu Abiodun, acknowledged the tragic loss of Ahmadu at the hands of his wife, Aisha.
Similarly, a few years ago, 35-year-old Aisha Ali was arrested by the police in Kano State for pouring hot water on her husband’s laps and private parts.
The reason behind the incident which happened at a village called Fayen-Fayen at Danbatta Local Government Area of Kano State was to punish her husband, Aliyu Ibrahim, for planning to take a second wife.
Ibrahim, suffered severe burns on the laps, private parts and surrounding areas as a result, and was rushed to Dambatta General Hospital, where he received treatment.
Irked by her husband’s move to marry a second wife, Aisha was said to have boiled water and poured it on her unsuspecting husband, while he was lying in the bedroom.
Although she fled to Babura, a neighbouring village in Jigawa State after the dastardly act, the police went after her and she was promptly arrested, but the deed had been done.
There was also a celebrated case of the woman who severed her husband’s manhood while he was in deep sleep just because she found out that her husband was planning to take a second wife.
There are a couple of such stories out there, and it is not limited to any sex; it involves both sexes.
But, looking at the psychology behind taking such extreme measures by some persons believed to be in love, a Consultant Psychologist at the Lagos State University Teaching Hospital, LASUTH, Ikeja, Dr. Leonard Okonkwo, attributed the development partly to Othello Syndrome.
He referred to a popular saying by an ancient Greek philosopher that people are not disturbed by the things that happened but by their perception of those things.
In other words, he noted that when people do things, it is not necessarily because of the things that happened, which is normally referred to as antecedents, but because of their perception of those things or their interpretation of those things.
Talking about the Othello Syndrome, he looked at the angle of jealousy, which he said is delusional, meaning that many of the people involved in this act have psychiatric problems that can partially be explained by the Othello Syndrome.
“When you talk about jealousy, people feel jealous at different levels but what we are talking about here is a pathological or irrational jealousy, which is carried beyond the normal level, and when that happens, a dysfunctional behaviour becomes the result.
“Some of these pathological jealousies can be partially explained by the Othello Syndrome,” he stated.
He further posited that jealousy is more like an obsession, noting that there are people who are obsessed with the possessiveness of their husbands and vice versa.
“I won’t say it is love per se because when you love someone, you won’t like any kind of harm to come to the person.
“So, when it is an obsession with that person, there is that feeling that someone else must not have him or her. It is a kind of jealousy but more of an obsession,” he added.
Dr Okonkwo also stressed that those involved in such acts perceive the action of their partners as cheating.
“They see it as taking something away from them. In the liberal sense of it, when you feel cheated and it makes you feel less of yourself, you will begin to ask why the person will do such a thing to you. In most cases, they perceive such action as a form of rejection.
“You are cheating on me and that means that you have rejected me and my love, and consequently, I will also have to retaliate,” he added.
He also noted that “such action could be borne out of overwhelming emotions that the person experiences; the overwhelming emotions of bitterness, pain and sadness, and they feel that one way to compensate for that feeling is to harm the person that is the primary cause of that pain.”
He stressed that in some instances, the aim might not be to kill but to harm.
“But, sometimes, things can go wrong and it ends in death, which is not the original intention. And of course, some can actually set out from the beginning with the intention to kill,” he added.
He identified the perception of being cheated and rejected, as well as the overwhelming emotions of pain, bitterness and rejections which can even translate to hatred as some of the factors responsible for such strange behaviours.
“When you feel emotionally overwhelmed by sadness, bitterness and pain, someone has to pay for it or compensate for the pain that the individual is going through.
“You know, when someone slaps you and you slap the person back, you feel good. But, if someone slaps you and you don’t slap back, even if the slap is not painful, the emotional pain of being cheated that you were slapped and you didn’t slap back will always be there.
“So, when you look at the points I have mentioned, you can now understand why people do those strange things toward the ones they profess to love.
“They do that often for the reason of being cheated, the fact that there is an overwhelming emotional pain and betrayal and someone has to pay for it and the fact that there is a possible presence of a psychiatric disorder in that person, which may have been precipitated by the knowledge of the action of the partner,” he submitted.
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