High cost of traditional marriage rites destroying marriage institution in Igbo land – cleric warns

…It is relatively cheap, depends on communities; but cheap compared to other tribes

…It is caused by greed of kinsmen —Abia monarch

…Igbo should streamline, unify traditional marriage costs -Ebonyi monarch

…Marriage should not be money-making venture, Ohajuru warns.

A cleric, Rev. Canon Ugochukwu Ogoegbunam has decried the high cost of traditional marriage rites in Igbo land, and blamed it on what he called the declining of marriage institution. He noted that marriage expenses are “outrageous and condemnable.”

The cleric, who serves at the Diocese on the Niger, Anglican Communion and doubles as the Chaplain to the Bishop of the diocese, raised strong concerns over the culture of high cost of traditional marriage rites which he said contributes to the decline of the marriage institution and increase in informal cohabitation and elopement of young girls of marriageable age. The high cost, he said, puts much burden and enormous stress on young suitors. The cleric spoke during a sermon at Calvary Chapel, GRA, Onitsha; and lamented that many intending husbands were forced to sell land or other valuable properties in order to meet the financial demands associated with the traditional marriage rites usually demanded by kinsmen.

“Today, before a man marries, he would first sell land or something tangible. Some Umunna (kindred) even increase the marriage list given to suitors for a daughter whose training they did not contribute to. It is shameful and must be condemned.

“After such excessive demands, society still turns around to lament that marriages are failing. Why won’t the institution die when we have held it hostage?” the cleric asked.

He also attributed the rise in informal cohabitation and elopement among young women to the burdens which this placed on suitors.

“We blame young girls for running off with men, calling them rebellious, but we are the ones who created the problem. What is giving out one’s daughter in marriage if not to wish her blessings and happiness?” He frowned at the amount of interest placed on material things in traditional marriage rites in Igbo land.

Abia monarch blames it on greed by kinsmen

Speaking to the issue, the paramount traditional ruler of Abiriba Ancient Kingdom, HRM Eze Kalu Kalu Ogbu (Enachioken Abiriba), blamed the high cost of traditional marriage rites in Igbo land on greed, usually from kinsmen of the bride.

Enachioken regretted that most times, those behind the high cost are not parents of the bride but her kinsmen.

He said: “I think most of these demands are purely out of greed and then, the biting economic situation. It is greed on the part of the uncles, especially when the fathers are not there, or when the parents are not there. These uncles would just want to cash out on those children. It is not even the parents that are asking for this money.”

The monarch, however, said the high cost of marriage rites is not peculiar to Igbo land; he maintains that it is relatively low compared to what obtains in other tribes.

“Bride price is very relative among communities. For instance, in Abiriba, it is N750 and in some neighbouring communities, it is also low. So, you can’t say that Igbo land is more expensive than others. It is relative. Some other tribes are much more expensive.

“There are so many things that can lead to that but generally, it is not as bad in Igbo communities as one would have thought. Even in the Bible, one had to work for the in-laws to be able to get married. To marry a woman is not easy. You think somebody will just ‘dash’ you his daughter and go empty-handed?

“When you consider what is obtainable in other regions, you will know that ours is relatively low.”

Igbo should streamline, unify cost of traditional marriage rites — Ebonyi monarch

The traditional ruler of Nkaliki Unuhu Achara autonomous community in Izzi, Ebonyi State, Ezeogo Sunday Oketa on his part, attributed the decline to Christian doctrine of one man, one wife. He said the number of females in the society are more than the males and that a man should marry more than one wife to be able to reduce the number of unmarried women.

The monarch advocated for the return to the tradition where wealthy men can marry more than one wife. He also attributes the high cost to greed by families who want to make money out of their daughter’s marriage.

According to him, in Ebonyi State, especially in Izzi clan, marriage is not costly; the prospective in-law brings local/native cow which is not compulsory but based on his capacity.

“It is true that our young women are roaming the streets unmarried but not only because of cost of marriage rites but also our failure to embrace our traditional way of marriage inherited from our forefathers which is marrying as many wives as your financial capacity can carry.

“Today, Christianity has changed many things in our land which is negatively affecting us. They said marrying two wives is a sin and our men should marry only one wife. The question is, who will marry the other young women? We have more women than men, and marrying more than one wife will reduce the number of unmarried young women on our streets.

“In Izzi clan, the cost of marriage is not high compared to other parts of Igbo land. When I gave my daughter out in marriage, I only collected N1,000 as dowry. They said we demand native cow, that is true but it is not compulsory; it depends on the in-law’s financial capacity at that point in time. The in-law can bring goat or money in place of cow. It is not compulsory to bring cow before you take your wife.

“I will advise Igbo traditional rulers and community leaders to come together to have unified traditional method. We should streamline the cost of marriage rites and make it easier for young men. I have written a book or rules in my community suggesting the best way to go, and if adopted, it will help both the parents, young men and women.

“I implore other Igbo community leaders to have marriage guides or rules for the young women in our communities,” Ezeogo Oketa admonished.

Marriage shouldn’t be commercialized —Enugu monarch

The traditional ruler of Ogugu Ntu-Egbenese Ancient Kingdom in Awgu Local Government Area, Enugu State, Igwe Aloysius Chidozie Ogbonna Jnr, also expressed concerns over the high cost of marriage rites.

Igwe Ogbonna emphasized that marriage should not be treated as a commercial transaction but as a sacred union between a man and a woman, aimed at fulfilling God’s command to humanity. He called for marriage rites to be made more accessible to willing suitors, saying that financial barriers should not hinder those ready to marry.

“Marriage is not a trade but a union of a man and a woman coming together to fulfill God’s mandate to humanity to go, multiply and fill the earth. So it should be made accessible to willing suitors,”he said.

In his contribution, the Eze-elect of Umuokpo Amaisii Autonomous Community, Obingwa Council Area, Abia State, Chief Micah Ohajuru, said marriage must not be taken as a business to generate wealth for the family and kindred of the bride. He condemned the attitude of some families that make demands with a view to recoup the money they invested in the training of their daughters.

Ohajuru told SEV that the families of the bride and groom should negotiate and agree on the fulfillment of the basic customary rites, not minding the bride’s educational level.

He explained that this high cost has led eligible persons to run away from getting married. He urged communities to make rules that bar families and kindreds from making huge financial and material demands on suitors.

He said: “Marriage should be conducted with love and merriment. The marriage institution goes beyond money and material things. It is an age long spiritual institution. In Umuokpo Amaisii autonomous community, families are encouraged to demand the fulfilment of the customary marriage rites from the suitor. Marriage shouldn’t be taken as a business transaction to generate wealth. We only demand the fulfilment of the basic customary marriage rites.

“Once you settle with your immediate in-laws, you don’t have problem with the community. It is the duty of your in-law to inform the kinsmen and community that his in-law has fulfilled the customary marriage rites. Money is involved, but not near what can discourage a potential in-law from marriage. The attitude of some families making financial and material demands in order to recoup what they invested in the training of their daughters should be condemned.

“In Igbo land, we have a saying that there is a bond between in-laws and their families. And that route is open for life; it is never closed no matter the problem. So, we don’t sell our daughters, rather we encourage our in-laws. I think there is a need for communities to make laws to stop the high cost of marriage rites.”

Contributing, the President-General of Obosi Development Union, Idemili North Council of Anambra State, Barr. Chimezie Obi, said the matter requires the intervention of traditional institution as well as the State Houses of Assembly in the region. In his own opinion, a community leader, Nze Dozie Nweke however disagreed that traditional marriage rites in Igbo land is expensive. He contended that in the olden days, some grooms usually perform their traditional marriage ceremonies with just few things like working in a farm land of his would-be in-law and the bride would be handed over to him with a mere instruction that he should take good care of her.

Nze Nweke, a former Vice-President of Oba Patriotic Union, Idemili South Council of Anambra State, maintained that the value of farm work and little bride price paid those days, added with few kegs of palm wine are equivalent to the amount being spent nowadays by the grooms during traditional marriage ceremonies.

Also, the Anambra State chairman of Campaign for Democracy, Comrade Vincent Ezekwueme lamented that the high cost of traditional marriage rites has prevented many youths from getting married. He observed that many youths of between 35 and 40 years and even above, are not able to get married because of this. Ezekwueme therefore suggested that traditional rulers and other community leaders should join hands to do something about the matter with a view to bringing it down to a reasonable level.

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